The Sports Gods: 5/21/10

Sam Shaw & Kyle Hamilton-Lecky

The Giants beat the Padres! The Giants beat the Padres! Oh joy! We knew this day would come! DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?!?!? Sportsgod Sam is SOOO HAPPY!!!! YAYYY!!!!

Okay, honestly, this is pathetic. What the heck, Giants? Please, for God’s sake, get just one hit with runners in scoring position. One. This is the Padres. They have an average pitching staff, what seems to be little offense. Furthermore, they possibly have the lamest name for any professional sports franchise. The Padres. Sounds like some Vatican-sponsored team of sexually frustrated clergymen. Who happen to be Giantkillers. God damn it. Hopefully the Padres, like so many priests before them, will take a fall, down to the cellar of mediocrity, (or AAAA West, same basic thing ­— Sportsgod Kyle).
Kyle’s a jerk. The National League (AAAA) West would annihilate the American League West any day. Gotta love the A’s (unless you’re their super cheap owner, Lew Wolff), but the Giants, Rockies, Padres, Dodgers and even the Diamondbacks, beat the A’s, Mariners, Angels and Rangers hands down (A’s are 41–33 against the Giants in interleague play). Right now. Not necessarily historically (history doesn’t repeat itself, it rhymes, and I like rhymes where the A’s win!). And this column is basically about the Giants anyway. We’ll cover the A’s later. Onward!

The Giant’s most annoying problem right now, other than of course their eternal feableness in clutch situations, is their inability to stop baserunners. As of May 15, opposing teams are 34 for 39 in base stealing attempts. That’s close to the local success rate at cheating on AP Environmental Science tests. The Giants must stop giving away freebees if they want to make it into the playoffs. Many are blaming the pitchers, and probably rightfully so, but Bengie Molina is not what he used to be. The Giants need a defensive stop behind the plate (The A’s could also use an offensive force at catcher. I definitely wouldn’t complain if, say, Joe Mauer was catching).

Now, we know we’re not real omniscient and clairvoyant gods, (unlike a certain Bible as Lit teacher), but we predict that the Padres will, nay, must fall, the Dodgers will continue to fail in their pitching and team chemistry, Rockies will fail on the road, the Diamondbacks will just keep doing what they’re doing (!) and the Giants will assume their rightful seat atop the NL (AAAA) West. It’d be nice to see some baseball after September 15.

Overall, this is a year to pay attention to. The Giants’ woes aren’t so great. Games are exciting, finally. It’s fun to see Panda hit, Andres Torres run, and Lincecum throw the ball. KNBR is getting a lot more attention so far this year. It’s too bad we won’t be writing in the summer — there would be a lot more to rant about.