A Cinematic Odyssey: 5/7/10

I’m going to be frank, I hate anime. Hate it. There’s this WTF element that anime insists on thriving on. It’s not that I hate WTF in cartoons, I actually believe that the sole purposes of cartoons are to show the viewer the impossible. That was the truth with Max Fleischer in Betty Boop and it is still true with Matt Stone and Trey Parker in South Park. I’m fine with American weirdness but why not Japanese?

So far I’ve theorized that either I’m xenophobic or Japanimation weirdness did something to me when I was growing up. Or maybe anime’s weirdness doesn’t hold my interest because of its nature. As far as I can tell, anime is weird for the sake of being weird without expressing how weird it is. There’s no reasoning behind a man who turns into a woman after going into cold water. There’s no logic behind Pokémon “evolving” in a third of a lifetime. Furthermore, animes don’t seem to realize how weird the things going on around them are. In South Park, you have a sense that the characters know how ridiculous a drug–addicted towel is. In Spirited Away, that old witch’s son is gigantic. Do they make any mention of this?

No. Do they wink at the audience saying, “Isn’t that weird?!” No. We are just supposed to accept the weirdness.
That being said, there is one anime mini–series that I absolutely adore. It’s virtually unknown in America, especially to anime fans. It is Paranoia Agent. Paranoia Agent follows an investigation of a mysterious phantom named Shounen Bat.

Shounen Bat goes around on golden rollerblades, cracking people over the head with a bent, golden baseball bat. His first victim is an overworked, stressed–out toy designer who has been busy working on a Hello Kitty–esque doll. After the attack, Shounun Bat becomes the number one news story. He continues to attack those whose lives are in turmoil. It seems as though all of the victims are released from the woes that beset them. The viewer asks many questions. Is he real? Is he imagined? Is he a deliverance from heaven or a menace? Until the thrilling conclusion you are always in doubt about what he is and what his motives are.

Aside from being one of the biggest physiological mindfucks I’ve ever seen, I must commend Paranoia Agent for hating anime. Shounen Bat symbolizes anime. He is not a deliverance from the troubles of the world, but deadly escapism. That’s the main problem with popular anime. It is completely empty escapism. There’s no symbolism, no lessons, no ideas. Just a 24 minute waste of time. Even American Saturday–morning cartoons try to give life lessons about whatever. I hate most anime. If you can talk intelligently about an anime in the same way that I can talk intelligently about a spaghetti western, it’s probably worth watching. But if all you can say on your way to the cosplay convention is “it’s so cute” or “good” or “weird,” chances are it sucks.