A Cinematic Odyssey: 4/27/10

Months ago, I saw The Vagina Monologues with a bunch of my friends. The acting and direction was great, but the subject matter made me uncomfortable to say the least. Sitting next to two women either cackling about tampons and sex moans or crying about rape and abuse, made me feel incredibly awkward. I needed a good, straightforward, estrogen–free action extravaganza. My medicine was a healthy dose of Spaghetti Western.

Spaghetti Westerns are the epitome of guy movies. They star rough, gruff, anti–heroes with disregard for the law. These anti–heroes are usually only in it for the money and will do whatever it takes and kill whoever it takes to get it. On the other hand, your star may be a rough, gruff, anti–hero with disregard for the law who will do what it takes to stop the aforementioned anti–heroes. There were few female leads, but when there were, they were just as badass as the guys.
The action is relatively sparse, that is, relative to today’s standard of action film, which is jumpy, explosive, non–stop, hyperactive and just plain dumb (Crank 2 High Voltage or Kick-Ass). Spaghetti Westerns blew shit up and shot people, but in a suspenseful manner. Mexican Standoffs were a staple in Spaghetti Westerns. A Mexican Standoff is when two adversaries both have a loaded gun at the ready as the audience awaits one’s death. Part of what makes the suspense so great is the consistently amazing scores that reside in Spaghetti Westerns.

Wails, whistling, electric guitar, tribal drums, horns, and flutes all cascading perfectly are part of why Spaghetti Westerns work as well as they do. They force suspense right into your face. Certain Spaghetti Westerns like Navajo Joe, about an Indian whose tribe was massacred by a band of rapscallions, of whom eventually gets sweet revenge, have no depth and would be nowhere without their score. Others like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly have fantastically interesting characters, beautiful cinematography and a wonderful score to enhance the movie watching experience. The only reason I would suggest a viewing of Navajo Joe is if you liked Inglorious Basterds and wanted to see part of the inspiration. Most Spaghetti Westerns do have depth; much more than any of today’s B-action movies. Surgio Leone made a fantastic movie, A Fistful of Dynamite, which had a lot to say about revolutions and how the people who the revolution is for are affected more poorly than the revolutionaries or the revolted against.

If you love guy movies, especially those of Quentin Tarantino, it is necessary for you to watch Spaghetti Westerns. Tarantino draws from a lot of different B–movie genres but especially Spaghetti Westerns, and is an absolute connoisseur and if you ever want a suggestion, just google his top twenty Spaghetti Westerns.

If your testosterone is ever down in the dumps, a Spaghetti Western can be the perfect, bloody, sweaty, ballsy answer to your pleas for action.