Editorial: 12/3/10

How do you define “man”? What qualities make up a man? Perhaps courage and charisma come to mind. But what about chivalry and compassion? Or sensitivity and honor? These traits are too often looked over. A man seen crying when overcome with emotion can be labeled soft, and told that he needs a thicker skin. As such, we teens end up trying to cultivate a persona where we are unflappable, concealing vulnerability either behind impermeable joviality or silent stoicism.

Yet here is the mark of a true man — the bravery and will to boldly follow his own path, to the impulses of his own instincts and heart. If a guy feels like opening up his opinions, dreams and fears to the world around him, then he should go forth and do so. And while sharing personal feelings can evoke a sort of nervousness and embarrassment — which is natural — the sense of brotherhood that can be achieved with friends, and the level of trust and understanding one finds with a loved one, far exceeds any potential loss of face that might come with revealing one’s innermost nature.
Basically, we need to learn to open up more. Many problems are caused because of misunderstandings that could easily be avoided if people were just straight with their feelings. This applies to girls too — but more often than not, it is boys who keep their feelings to themselves and end up expressing their feelings in unhealthy, passive aggressive ways.

Think about how someone acts when they’re not displaying their true feelings — it seems a bit fake. There is a palpable scent of hackneyed conformism that lingers in the air around people too afraid to act themselves, and a cookie-cutter-esque shape to all of their unimaginative giggles, postures, and one-liners. All of the fashion trends one jumps on, hats and bracelets and the like — does one follow these trends because they legitimately recognize a good idea, or because they are allowing themselves to swept up in the monochromatic herd? Again, this plea applies to girls too. But I feel that usually, girls have some sort of unique persona established with the way they walk, talk and dress. Boys, on the other hand, I find are generally interchangeable, combining to form conglomerate cliques of guffawing guys with similar personalities, preferences and idiosyncratic quirks. Being a man is not working to standards and trying to meet expectations, but setting your own bar and then climbing towards it. When one is busy conforming to preset niches, it is hard to find true friends, and as such the average boy misses out on the deep camaraderie attainable with friends one is comfortable being themselves with.

And of course, openness is a great boon to relationships. Nobody wants a boyfriend who is a hulking rock devoid of emotion — or worse, imbued with and consumed by false bravado. A healthy relationship is built upon empathy and trust. Unfortunately, boys often are not candid about their feelings, claiming to be either more or less interested in the relationship in order avoid attachment and save face. But here’s the thing, guys — a lot of times, girls (or other guys) like sensitive guys, or a guy that is open and honest. And even if someone doesn’t like sensitivity, deeming it too vulnerable or not masculine enough — so what?

There is more to being a man than having a way with women. Manhood is a mind set, incorporating a timeless sense of values cultures from around the world have valued for centuries. Bravery, honor, benevolence, wisdom, and an empathetic attunement to others in the community are what make a man truly a leader and protector. A man can be reserved or open, sensitive or distant. Yet one thing we should all remember is that an unfeeling façade does not imply that a man is strong, and that a man who feels deeply for others and is prone to act out of emotion can be one of the most true and loyal allies anyone can ever find.