Editorial: 10/8/10

How many times have you been in this position: sitting at the table, in front of your homework, with one or both of your parents standing over you. They’re yelling. They’re berating you about your grades; about your general academic performance.

What are you doing? Are you listening? Are you able to acknowledge your parents good intentions, with those screeching decibels in your ear? Or do you become resentful, struggling under the inundation of words pouring from your parents’ mouths?

Or this, imagine you’re about to go out on a Saturday night. Your parent catches you at the door and reminds you, for at least the eighth time that night, to “be careful”. And your thought is “Really? Like I forgot those words of wisdom in the past five minutes since you last told me to be careful?” It gets to the point where you just tune your parents out to keep from shouting back at them that yes, you get it, and you just want to rush out of the house without heeding them, just to get away from the incessant droning.

Of course, parents only say these things because they love us. They want us to have options. And the only reason they keep repeating themselves is because they care! They don’t want anything to happen to their defenseless young children.

But it starts to feel patronizing, doesn’t it; somewhat condescending. It seems like our elders can’t recognize that as we mature, we can internalize lessons and reminders after only one or two repetitions, and that we are becoming cognizant enough of costs and consequences to be able to decide for ourselves what is sensible or safe — or not. Perhaps that redundancy helped drive the point home when we were 9 or 10 years old, but isn’t it excruciatingly apparent that we are not as young as we once were? If it isn’t, it certainly should be. We’re taller, more lucid and eloquent, and dealing with more complicated subjects both inside and outside of school. It’s about time that we as teenagers become treated with the respect, and the responsibility, to be entrusted with the full breadth and scope of our own actions.

It seems adults forget how infuriating it is to be patronized on a daily basis. Of course, not all adults patronize teenagers, and by no means do I consider teenagers to be fully matured as people, capable to take care of themselves. But does repeated yelling do anything aside from making us more frustrated and less receptive to future rants? People rarely intentionally make decisions with the sole purpose of self–sabotage. And after years of reinforced lessons and admonishments, it should be apparent that teenagers, having been warned of the potential outcomes of their actions, are fully aware of what they’re doing.

Of course, teenagers don’t always understand. We all make many, many mistakes. We still do need help. But that’s just it — help, and advice. Not wheedling haranguing. Wisdom imparted in measured, even, and sincere tones instead of high pitched shouts colored with disappointment is much more likely to be acknowledged as opposed to being automatically shut out.

This may come off as just another angst ridden teenage rant about how parents aren’t fair — but it’s not. I am merely trying to convey the message that it is not effective to bluster in anger at a teenager’s mistakes or flaws. Rather, a parent should relate disappointment constructively; helping the teen find ways to rectify their mistakes and be more successful in the future. It is understandable that the potential magnitude of mistakes we make can be terrifying to parents — but anger will get stubborn teenagers nowhere, except to redirect that anger right back at the parent. And parents, please remember: the repercussions of teenager’s victories, failures and gambles will ultimately make or break our lives — not yours.